9 Hours in Zürich

So if you add in the amount of time I spent on the train to and back out of Zürich, it's probably something more like 15 hours or so, but as far as events occurring during my brief, insane stay in such a beautiful country, they all happened within the matter of nine hours. Let me start out by saying, while Zürich was on my list of places I wanted to see on my trip throughout Europe, it was not one I anticipated visiting until a later date so I hadn’t done much research on accommodations and such. If I had, I would've never decided to go there on this trip. It is outrageously expensive, even more so than San Francisco and New York City combined! A simple coffee will run you about 6.50 franks, which equals about $8.00 US, and even a youth hostel will run over $105 US. But I’m getting ahead of myself; let's start from the beginning, in Venice, Italy. I had already purchased tickets to take a bus out of Venice to Villach, Austria and from there I would take a train to Zagreb, Croatia and then another to Split. All I wanted to do was go to the beach! I'd been spending too much time in over packed, crowded cities and I was tired of so many people and tourist traps. My bus was to leave at 11:20 am, but it would take me at least 45 minutes to get to the station from the campground/hostel I'd been staying at to get there. Giving myself plenty of time, I got up at 9:30 and had already showered and packed my things the night before, so as I could head straight out. At the checkout area, the girl working the counter couldn't find my reservation, which made me wished I hadn't already paid when I checked in, and she was taking basically decades to get me out of there. By now it was 10:20 and I needed to walk 3/4 mile to the bus stop to take into town, well the bus decided not to stop where I had been waiting for about 20 minutes and I had to walk to the next stop and take the next bus. Long story short, I didn't get to the bus terminal until 11:30, the bus had left. Crap. I was given the run around on where to go to get a new ticket, but was eventually sent back to the train station in central Venice where I originally purchased my first tickets to try and exchange the old ones for the next bus and train. After waiting in the tremendous line, I was told the next bus was full and the one after had room, but there wouldn't be another train out of Austria until 6:25am the next day. Dang. I was already on edge emotionally since my phone and Venetian mask had been stolen two days prior, and I'd been receiving many emails from home of bad news, so when I called my mom to tell her I'd missed the bus, I broke down crying. Now it was 3:45am back in California and my mom isn't the most responsive in the morning without at least two cups of coffee, so talking to her at this time in the morning probably wasn't the best idea. After what I'm sure will be a large charge on my credit card for the call, I hung up still not knowing what I was going to do. I was feeling very discouraged, almost to the point where I wanted to go back to the states, but I consolidated my timetable book for the Eurail pass I had and saw there was a train relatively soon to Zürich, Switzerland. I thought, ok, it's a detour from the beach, but let's do it! I purchased my new ticket, grabbed a panini, and waited about an hour to board. The train ride in was great! I had a section of four seats to myself and the scenery was absolutely gorgeous! First, heading west through Italy, there was a great abundance of agriculture, awesome! Then after switching trains in Milan and crossing into Switzerland there was beautiful mountain ranges and green valleys, it was everything you see and hear about the Swiss landscape. I was feeling better at this point about the course of events and was looking forward to hanging out at the lake Zürich presides by. I arrived at the station at 21:30 without a hostel reservation since I hadn't had any Wi-Fi since leaving the campground in Venice. Bad idea. Wi-Fi was available at the train station, for a price of course, 6.00 franks for 60 minutes (so about $6.50 US), ok fine. After shooting my mom a quick email letting her know where I was and that I was ok, I began to search for a hostel. My mouth just about hit the floor when I saw that the cheapest hotel was $105 a night! Are you serious?! For a hostel? So I tried to find a hotel, like by some miracle it might be cheaper. Nope, cheapest was $110. Well that sealed the deal for me; I'd just camp out here for the night, lock my bag up for the day in the lockers they had available, go explore for a half day, then take the next train out to somewhere, anywhere pretty much that wouldn't mean I'd be begging for scraps due to going broke for a roof over my head. I had hoped maybe I could wing it and just sleep in the train station. Yeah right. The place is illuminated so brightly not even insects and mice want to be around, and security was going around and making people sit up who were lying on the benches. I even tried to go "hide" in one of the many train terminals. That wasn't happening either since maintenance was doing work on the tracks with their loud equipment. Alright, so it's going to be a sleepless night in a brightly lit station, but at least I was safe. So I started just wandering around the grand spectacle of this large station. It had a mall (everything was closed by now) and many restaurants which I browsed hoping to find one where I would dine in the morning. Looking at the prices of the food, I was stunned. I had looked up the conversion from the US$ and the Euro to Swiss Francs, but I still couldn't believe my eyes; 13 francs (about $15) for a sandwich? 18 francs for a Chinese plate? The list goes on and on, but you get the point. Looks like I'd be surviving on the little food I left with me. Suddenly I was being approached by a couple security guards, who at first just kind of stared at me until I asked 'spreiken ze inglesh?' (German for do you speak English; Switzerland has four official languages: German, Italian, French, and Romansch). The cuter one replied 'yes,' but still was still pretty much waiting for me to say something. I replied I don't have a ticket anywhere at the moment and I'm waiting for the ticket office to open. He was kind after that and said the ticket office opens at 5:30, but they're closing now (its 1:30 at this point) and I have to leave. I said I didn't have anywhere to go, so he suggested a hotel that was just a half a block away. Shoot, was trying to avoid that to save money, but oh well. When I arrived at the hotel he suggested I figured he told me about this particular one since I was wearing my huge backpack, this place looked like a seedy hostel. Ok, should be cheap, score! Thank you security guard! I basically only needed the place for a few hours anyway, so I didn't care. Approaching the entrance to Hotel Montanag, which was apparently run by Best Western, I was greeted by the night attendant, a scraggly looking guy, with a receding hairline and bad teeth. I stated my dilemma, and even asked if maybe I could doze in the lobby for a few hours until the ticket office opened. He stated that a normal room runs about 145 francs (about $165), but I could snooze in this little back room for free if I wanted. Yea! Some relief, I thought. I thanked him as he led me to this little room that looks like it's where drinks are survived for cocktail hour or a breakfast nook. There were a couple lounge like chairs in the room, so I sat my backpack on one and began to get comfortable in the other. The attendant brought me a blanket even, and he sat down and started talking to me. Ok, I really just wanted to get a few hours of sleep after an ordeal of a day, but I figured, hey this guy is letting me chill here for free, so humor him for a bit. At some point he mentioned that even though staying in this room was free, most people give a 50 frank "donation," which I interpreted as you pay the night attendant guy under the table for keeping it hush hush. Well since I arrived so late in Zürich, I hadn't had the chance to exchange any euros for franks, so I asked him if I could get the money in the morning and bring it back. Meanwhile I'm thinking 'fuck, 50 franks to sleep in the dining room of a "low budget" hotel?' He obviously didn't trust that I would bring the money and then apparently made the assumption this meant "I didn't have any money." Suddenly the conversation switched up on me; he said "you know a lot of girls come in here and say they don't have money to stay, but instead can I stay for free if I give you a little suck and fuck." come again, did my ears just deceive me? Oh shit, I thought! He continued, "Yes, a lot girls, especially American girls will come in here together and say oh can we stay for free and my friend here will suck and fuck you and then they can stay in here." Way to lower your standards and give us a dirty name you American whores who led me to this predicament! Like a ton of bricks, it hit me that I'm completely screwed and this is one of these crazy scenes from the Hostel movies. Great, everything I'd been afraid of happening is being laid out in front of my eyes. How am I going to get out of this safely?? I told him I was definitely not doing any of that and I would just pay for a room if that were the case. He was like "but you said you have no money," I replied "I said I don't have any franks with me, but I have a credit card, do you accept them?" (side note: Greece and Italy hadn't accepted credit cards virtually anywhere unless you made a very large purchase, so I somewhat figured the same here). So then he sort of changed his tone with me and was like "no, no, I don't mean you need to do that. No, no, you're crazy. I'm just saying that's what happens a lot. I don't need you to suck or fuck me." Yeah fucking right buddy! I've got your number! You thought I'd be a little slut and use sex for a snooze? But I didn't say any of that; I just went along with it, hopeful that the situation had been alleviated. He chatted with me for a couple more minutes then said 'ok, back to work for me, don't forget fifty franks tomorrow,' and shut the behind him on his way out. Whew! I laid back down in my lounge chair, put my eye mask shades on, and sat back. Yeah, not going to happen. Now I was freaked out that I would be awoken to some sort of crazy bondage scene and get my ass raped for turning him down. Within 30 seconds I was up, and ready to get the hell out of there! I didn't care; I would risk it hanging out in the park nearby! I went out to the lobby and I just didn't feel comfortable and I was going to go now. He said 'no, no, it's ok. I was just kidding with you, you know, a joke? You can stay here for free, no fifty franks, its ok. Sleep here in the lobby on the couch, there are cameras. You don't have to worry.' I reluctantly obliged and set my pack back down and laid on the couch. I grabbed my pepper spray out of my bag and laid with my finger on the trigger in case anything crazy happened. It was now 2:40, and try as I might, there wasn't much snoozing going on. I slept about as well as any soldier does that knows at any moment there could be an attack, so basically not at all. Creepy hotel attendant guy woke me up at 5:05 and said it was time for me to get up because people would start checking out. He offered me a cup of coffee, which I accepted, I thanked him for letting me stay and then I bolted out the door, well about as fast as I could with 50 pounds on my back. I headed straight for the train station, bought a ticket for the first train out of Zürich to Lyon, France which would leave in an hour. With the in between time, I paid for another 60 minutes of Wi-Fi, booked a hotel, and updated mom again. Pulling out of the station at 6:32 am, I was relieved that that crazy ordeal was over. Next up for the books was the crazy old Swiss man I ended up sitting by. He was a jolly, skinny guy, dressed in a sport coat and tie, complete with a hat and sunglasses. I choose the first bench seat I could find hoping to stretch out and get a little sleep before having to switch trains in Genève. I hadn't even taken my backpack off before he started talking to me. Very enthusiastically he said 'where are you from UK?' with a big nearly toothless smile. I said no, I'm American to which he excitedly responded 'you are welcome here in Switzerland! You like yoga? Do you do yoga?' along with other things about yoga which I didn't quite catch. I answered his questions kindly, after all, I'm sure he's somebody's grandpa. I sat in my seat and he proceeded to talk, but just to himself now. I believe he was speaking German, but I think there was Italian mixed in there too. He told jokes which he laughed at, stories complete with hand motions and finger pointing, all in jolliness. As much as I wanted to sleep, I was finding him amusing; I can't say the same for some others on the train. The guy sitting closest to him did an excellent job of ignoring him and just going about his business, another kept looking back at him and others around the train car with an expression like 'will somebody shut this guy up?!' I had to kind of chuckle at how annoyed this guy was from four seats away, but he never said anything, his face did all the talking for him. The old man turned to me again with a magazine in his hand that had Porsche cars on it. He enthusiastically asked me 'do you like Porsche cars?' I said yes, he went on to say 'they're great. Very expensive, very fast, but excellent cars!' then went back to talking to his invisible buddies. When the food cart came by, he grabbed the female attendant and proceeded to talk to her in Italian for so long she finally had to sort of brush him off of her so she could continue her job. Again, after she was gone, he was back to have one really good and apparently funny conversation with himself. He'd lower his sunglasses and point his finger, then laugh and continue on. At this point I had to get a video, I picked up my iPad and hit the record button, what I caught was so classic! About 30 seconds into taping him, he looks over at me and says 'sí!' gets up and comes over to me. Oh no, he's caught me I thought, but I kept rolling. He continued: 'hello, bye. I must go now.' "Oh, you're leaving?" I said, disappointed my entertainment was departing. He replied "yes, you'll have to excuse me, I'm a little bit drunk, I'm sorry, you accept?" of course I accept this guy is hilarious, drink on old man! I had noticed he'd been drinking out of a cup, but I assumed it was just coffee since it's early in the morning. "Pardon me," he went on, then said something else I couldn't make out and finished with "you're welcome here in Switzerland," again, then sat back down, talked to himself a little more until we arrived at the Lusanne station and he was on his merry way. So now it was time to get a little sleep, right? Wrong! The train attendant came through to finally ask for tickets, I showed him mine and he said you have a second class ticket, you need to move. Oops, apparently I sat in Business Class; the trains aren't very clearly marked. I graciously obliged and found an empty seat near an elderly lady who was snoozing. At the next stop she got off and in comes this overweight black Frenchman in her place. That's fine, I'm not racist or anything, (merely being descriptive) but he immediately, without even skipping a beat from the second he sat down, starts talking to me in French, in sort of a creepy way though. I was already getting an odd vibe from this guy. I replied with 'par le vou ingleeh?' which he did, and he asked me why I don't speak French. Ummm, because it's hard and I just haven't learned it, I don't know, why does anyone speak one language and not another? I just said 'because it's hard,' 'no it's not, I'll teach you,' he responded. Sigh, I just want to take a nap. He asked where I was going to which I said Lyon (which I should've just lied and said somewhere else), he was going there too apparently. Great, another crisis I have divert. At this point I noticed he was ripping pictures out of newspapers he'd been rummaging through. By about the 2nd or 3rd one he ripped out, I realized that he was taking every single picture there was of a woman and then shoving it into his duffle bag under his seat. Oh hell no, I'm outta here! I'm not getting raped! He was getting weirder by the moment; he'd grunt and groan and scratch his chest, exposing his big belly, he has odd sores on his arms and he smelled odd. Ok, time to get the fuck away! I packed up my day pack, said I was heading to the toilet (which was on the bottom level of the two story train cars) and went a found another seat at the opposite end of the car. I sat near a girl, that ended up being from Providence, Rhode Island, who was dozing, so I'm sure she thought it was strange that suddenly I sat by her when we were only about 15 minutes away from Genève. She woke up and I explained why I suddenly sat by her, asked her if she'd watch my day pack so I could go get my big backpack and she happily obliged. When I came back to the seat, I told her all about the craziness since Venice and we chatted until the train reached the station and we parted ways. I boarded the train to Lyon and when creepster tried to talk to me in passing, I just ignored him and he ended moving on, probably to go weird some other girl out. I didn't get to nap on that train either, I think basically I was just on high alert at this point and couldn't wait to get to my hotel room in Lyon. Finally, after wandering around lost for a while and getting much needed help from locals to find it, I made it to the hotel, checked in a took a very much needed nap from 14:30 to 19:30!